We should want to be helpful, right? That seems to be one of the premier pieces of evidence of a Christian life. Throughout the pages of the New Testament, there are constant admonitions for us to be hospitable and caring for others.
Have you ever had a time, though, when you tried to help someone, and it wasn’t helpful? It was as if you had gotten into a rowboat and you patched one hole, then observed 20 more holes – and the water was pouring in rapidly! You threw exasperated hands in the air, declaring “What’s the use?”
Pastor John Anderson of Pinecrest Baptist Church, McDonough, Georgia, has written a great article on this subject. Take time over the next two days and prayer read his words of wisdom on the subject.
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One of the hardest lessons leaders learn is this: helping everyone is not always helpful.
Good leaders have compassionate hearts. Pastors, parents, mentors, and ministry leaders naturally want to step in, rescue, fix, and carry burdens. But Scripture teaches something both sobering and freeing. Not every person who asks for help should receive it in the same way. Sometimes helping becomes enabling. Sometimes rescuing becomes reinforcing destructive behavior. Sometimes compassion without discernment actually harms both the helper and the one being helped.
Biblical leadership requires both love and wisdom. Jesus healed many, but He did not entrust Himself to everyone.
“But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men.” – John 2:24
There are patterns of character Scripture repeatedly warns leaders about. These are not people we refuse to love. These are people we must learn to help wisely, cautiously, or sometimes not at all until repentance and humility appear.
Here are five people God consistently warns leaders about.
- The Contentious Person (The Angry Reckless Person)
“Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” – Proverbs 22:24–25
Anger spreads. It is contagious. A reckless, hot-tempered person does not simply struggle privately. They damage relationships, fracture unity, and create unnecessary conflict wherever they go.
Leaders often think, “If I just help them enough, they’ll calm down.” Scripture says the opposite. Prolonged exposure to uncontrolled anger reshapes the helper, not the angry person.
An angry person is not dangerous because they feel anger. Everyone feels anger. They are dangerous because they refuse to govern it.
Helping an angry person without requiring accountability teaches them that rage works. It rewards emotional immaturity. Wisdom says step back until self-control steps forward.
A leader must remember: you cannot build peace by partnering with chaos.
- The Chattering Person (The Gossip)
“A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.” – Proverbs 11:13
Gossipers do not need information. They need attention. And they often disguise their sin in spiritual language. “I just want you to pray about this.” Or, “I’m only concerned.”
But gossip is relational arson. It burns trust, divides teams, and poisons environments quietly.
Leaders who repeatedly help gossipers by listening without correction unintentionally validate the behavior. Silence becomes permission.
Scripture is clear. In Proverbs 26:20 it says, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out.”
Sometimes the most spiritual help you can give a gossip is refusal to participate.
Healthy leaders protect unity more than they protect feelings. Truth spoken directly heals. Words spoken indirectly destroy.
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Tomorrow, we will finish the thoughts on this subject. As Christians, we are supposed to be helpful individuals. The help we provide, though, must be governed with Biblical discernment. Prayerfully take 1 Thessalonians 5:21 to heart. “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”
*https://ministry127.com/five-people-god-warns-you-not-to-help
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