In 1977, an organization began in Arcadia, California that became well known in most churches: Focus On The Family (FOTF). Founded by Dr. James Dobson, the organization is now led by Jim Daly and based in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
The purpose of the devotional is not an endorsement or critique of FOTF. I bring it up for two reasons. First, today is American Family Day. It’s an opportunity to celebrate our families and to remind ourselves of the importance of family. Second, there are Christians who have sacrificed their family for church involvement, believing that God expects the family to come second to the church. This question was posed to FOTF.
Is there really any scriptural basis for “focusing on the family”? “Family first” has always been my motto. I spend every weekend with my wife and kids, and I’m committed to putting their needs ahead of my own. But at times I find it hard to reconcile these personal values with the Gospel message. Jesus actually tells me to hate my family. His words seem to say that the church trumps the family system. I’m confused.1
The person posing this question bases it off of a misunderstanding of Luke 14:25-27. “And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, (26) If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (27) And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” Those words do have a bit of sting and bite to them. But let’s carefully understand what the Lord is saying.
The language used by the Lord is intended to challenge us. Our love for the Lord should be so great and overwhelming that it surpasses all other loves. God doesn’t share the #1 position in our life with anyone, including our family. In fact, our love for the Lord should be so great that our natural love looks like hate in comparison. If called upon in a situation to make a choice, we should be willing to forsake all in order to express our love for the Lord. This is illustrated by an Old Testament Bible character.
“And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am. (2) And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.” (Genesis 22:1-2)
With that being said, one of the ways that our great and supreme love for the Lord is expressed is through the love and care of one of the most amazing earthly gifts that He has given us: our family. Think through what God’s Word teaches on the subject.
God created marriage, instituting it in the Garden of Eden between one man and one
woman. Of His creation, the Bible says in Genesis 1:31, “And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.”
The intent of marriage was intimacy marked with a melding of two into one. Genesis 2:23-24 says, “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” This is repeated in the New Testament as well.
God created family. He created the biological function that would reproduce life and gave a simple instruction in Genesis 1:28. “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
Psalms 127:3-5 says, “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (4) As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. (5) Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” You don’t throw a reward, a treasure into a corner and ignore it. You ENJOY it and do everything you can to protect and value it.
Several passages of Scripture show that parents must invest heavily into the lives of their children, instructing and training them, giving them Godly guidance. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9; 11:19; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 5:22-6:4; Colossians 3:18-21) Family placed on the back burner of life will never get this training nor see the love of God in action.
Caring for the needs of a family is important to the Lord. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” The context of the verse is dealing with providing for the physical needs but a family needs more than that. There are mental, emotional, and spiritual needs for which provision needs to be made.
Much more could be written on the topic but one thing is crystal clear. We should focus on our family if God has so blessed us. Family must be a top priority in our lives. No, family should not keep us out of church or keep us from serving the Lord. No, family isn’t loved more than the Lord. But family is a gift from God and should be treated like the gift it is.
Many Christians, especially men, have chosen to forsake their family in order to serve the Lord. That sounds noble, doesn’t it? But how can you applaud someone who won others to Christ but failed to lead their own family to the Lord? Many of the family members who grew up in that environment want nothing to do with the Lord today because of how they were discarded by their own parents. What a sad indictment!
Focus on the family? Absolutely!!!! Focus on getting them prepared for church today. Focus on bringing them to the house of the Lord. Focus on reviewing the Sunday School and church service with them at lunch. Focus on an afternoon of playing with the kids, loving on them, and showering your spouse with love and praise. Focus on maybe a bit of rest – the older you get, the more important this is. Focus on getting the family back in church tonight. Focus on going home, loving on each other before going to bed, praying together as a family, and getting a good night’s sleep.
As the family goes, so goes the church as well as the nation. Seems to me that something so precious and valuable demands our focus.
Proverbs 17:6 gives us some parting words to think about. “Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.”
1https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/what-the-bible-says-about-family/
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