As I wrote on Sunday, March 9th, there were several National Day Calendar celebrations that were happening simultaneously. One of those was National Get Over It Day. Jeff Goldbladt created this day in 2005 after having trouble getting over an ex-girlfriend. Someone must have suggested that he needed to get over it and move on with life. That seemed like good advice to pass along to others.
Haven’t you known a person that harbors bitterness in their heart? Truth be told, they don’t want to get over it. Instead, they want to hold a grudge. They want to stay mad. They refuse to talk to the person who allegedly hurt them or caused them great damage. Forgive? You’ve got to be kidding!
Perhaps you’re saying, “Oh, that’s not me. Thank God that I don’t hold anything against anyone.” I hope that’s true, but I doubt it. Consider a couple of scenarios.
When a certain name from your school days is mentioned, how does it make you feel? Can you hear their taunts? Can you feel their rejection? Do you relive the moment where they hurt you the most? Isn’t it amazing how we can’t remember what we had for supper yesterday but we can remember nearly every detail about an event that happened 30, 40, or 50 years ago?
Do you remember the time you were passed over for a promotion that you really wanted and had worked hard for? Do you remember the person who got the job instead? What was their reaction towards you? What was the name of the person who did the promoting?
Think back to a time when you were wrongly accused. Several events immediately pop into my mind. I can remember each event vividly and can still feel a bit of the original pain and shame though I had done nothing wrong. I can remember the people who lied about me. I can feel the fear and embarrassment of having to defend myself. Though I was completely exonerated in every instance, I remember for weeks afterwards feeling distrust and suspicion about everyone.
Do you remember the person who hurt you at church? Maybe they were the ones who lied about you or made the proverbial mountain out of a molehill. You said something without any malicious intent, and they cleaned your clock for it. They didn’t like something you were doing in the ministry even though there wasn’t anything wrong with it. They just didn’t like it and decided it was their axe to grind – on you – and acted like you had just violated Holy Scripture – even though it wasn’t a Biblical issue. Maybe they gossiped or broke a confidence. How do you feel about that person?
Many scenarios could be suggested. And a National Get Over It Day isn’t the solution because it’s not that easy and simple.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (32) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This is our supreme mandate from Scripture. We wish this was a “one and done” act of forgiveness. It’s not because we cannot forgive and forget.
The basis for a Get Over It day is that we forgive and forget. Have you ever had someone tell you that you just need to forgive and forget? Isn’t that one of the dumbest things we could ever say?!? Forgetting is nearly impossible short of a traumatic brain injury or a mind-altering disease. We cannot help but remember and the memories can be triggered by a date on the calendar, a smell, a name, or a déjà vu moment. We think that we have dealt with the hurt but we soon discover that there are tentacles of that original hurt remaining, roots of the weed of bitterness.
I am reminded all too frequently that there is still a lot of flesh that needs corralled. Wounds do not heal overnight – usually. It takes time. The wound scabs over but can be easily reopened. Each time it is reopened, though, we hopefully have experienced some healing. Once the wound is “healed,” there remains a scar. Just like with our physical body, scars can be tender and if bumped just right, they will send shooting pain.
The bandage that will cause the most rapid healing is the love of God for the one who has caused the hurt. Colossians 3:12-14 commands, “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; (13) Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. (14) And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.”
Do I have to love everyone that has hurt me? YES! I may have to go through the process of forgiveness many times before the wound is healed. But, every time, love has to be applied. I leave you today with one final verse regarding the need for this love. Let’s not just grit our teeth and get over it. Let’s apply the balm of God’s love.
“And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)
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