Have the days of etiquette and manners disappeared? If you’ve gone to a restaurant lately or simply walked in public, chances are good that you’ve wondered the same thing. Saying “please and thank you,” holding doors open for others, hand-written thank you notes, chewing with your mouth closed and not speaking until ALL the food is swallowed, the courtesy of the RSVP to an invitation, yielding seats to women and elderly, addressing people with appropriate titles, punctuality, and so many more manners seem to have nearly disappeared.
Well, here are some manners from days gone by that are completely gone.
Waiting for a formal introduction. It used to be customary and polite that you didn’t just introduce yourself to someone. You waited to be introduced. In our fast-paced world, we don’t have time to wait for someone to introduce us and etiquette experts say that it is completely proper for us to take the initiative and introduce ourselves. Most women are grateful for this because a lot of husbands forget to make the necessary introductions.
Wearing formal clothing on planes – or ballgames. Watch old movies and early movie clips. Men didn’t go out of the house without a suit and tie and women never left without having their hair done and in a dress. This is how they would attend restaurants, ballgames, fly in a plane, or take the bus. In fact, formal dress has just about become extinct. Just look around next time you’re at church, a wedding, or funeral. Many look like they could go straight to the golf course or the playground.
While I personally have an aversion to “dressing up” and feel more like me in blue jeans, tennis shoes, and shirt, I recognize that there are times where we should put our best fashion foot forward. NOT on a plane or at a ballgame, though!
Handshakes determined by gender. There was a time where men didn’t shake a woman’s hand unless she offered it. For a guy to offer his hand to a woman was seen as being forward and improper. Today, handshakes and even an appropriate hug are common fare. They can be initiated by anyone.
Men walking on the curbside with a woman. It was once a common practice to never allow a woman, if accompanied by a man, on the curb side of the sidewalk. This was considered dangerous. It was all about protecting the woman, especially when horse drawn carriages or the first motor cars could be driven a bit recklessly. Men were always expected to protect the women.
THIS needs to find its way back into our culture. Chivalry is not dead. It just needs some resuscitation. Men should do all they can to protect a woman.
Bringing your own napkin. If you go to a party or formal dinner and pull out a napkin from your pocket, you are going to get some very odd looks! In the ancient days of Rome, though, this was considered good manners. You would never go to a gathering without your own napkin. And those napkins served as the first “doggie bags.” Whatever you wanted to take home, just wrap it in the napkin and stuff it back in your pocket.1
I’m sure we can see some issues with that!
Some manners are naturally going to change due to practicality and attitudes of the culture. In fact, manners are different across cultures.
If your child let out a healthy belch at the table, you would be mortified, and others would be disgusted! That poor kid would get scolded. If an adult did it, we would look at them with contempt for such ill-mannered, boorish behavior. However, when eating in China, Taiwan, Turkey, Egypt and some Middle Eastern countries, feel free to give a hearty, resounding burp. The host considers that a compliment for a good meal.
Do you know someone that slurps their noodles? Does it make you cringe? The Japanese consider that a compliment as well. So, slurp and burp!
Here in America, we have “finger foods.” However, to manhandle most of our meal is considered barbaric! Same with licking those foodie fingers. In other countries, though, it’s a finger MEAL. No cutlery will be at the table. Licking your digits clean is an expected necessity. For the sake of most of us, please remember, you are NOT in those other countries. A napkin has been supplied. There are knives, forks, and spoons. Please use them!
And, if you don’t like to give a tip, don’t go to a sit-down restaurant – unless you’re in Japan or China. To give a tip in one of those countries is an egregious insult because they take great pride in the service they give. Evidently, their waitstaff is paid better than in America where the waitstaff is dependent on those tips.2
Good manners matter and it doesn’t take much to ruin them. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” Manners in this verse isn’t talking about how we conduct ourselves at the table or whether we open a lady’s door. It’s much more than that. It speaks of morals and character. Granted, good social manners ought to come from good morals and character. But someone with poor morals and character could still be quite the charmer with the social graces.
Good character can easily be ruined with “evil communications” – keeping company with the wrong people. The adage says that “one bad apple spoils the bunch.” That is true. Therefore, we must be careful about the company we keep.
Don’t let your good character, morals, and manners be ruined by those with none. Take the instruction provided by the example in Proverbs 22:24-25. “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: (25) Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.”
1https://interestingfacts.com/outdated-old-fashioned-etiquette-tips/?lctg=1faede22-f93a-468d-8d24-3d95c829d9b6
2https://www.rd.com/list/rude-american-manners/
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